Category Archives: I Hate You

Europe is an Asshole

EUROPE
We are so smart! We joined together, so that while we still retain our national identities and unique cultures, we can co-operate on the financial markets!
GERMANY
I am german, und I like Industrial music, beer und ridiculously vell-constructed machines. But! I can go into England und use ze same currency I use at home, because ve are all part of ze EU! (How efficient!)
EUROPE
Yay!
SPAIN
I am spaneesh. There ees all sort of poleeteecal confleect and estuff happening een my country, but I can esteell go to Esweetzerland and get a job, because we are all part of the EU!
EUROPE
Yay!
ENGLAND
Oh, look. There are some more countries who want to join the EU. The more the merrier, I say!
EUROPE
Yay!
POLAND
Hello, we would like to be part of your happy union, please.
EUROPE
Happy to have you! As soon as we get a few agreements signed it’ll be official.
POLAND
So… that’s it? I’m going to be part of the EU? That’s great!
EUROPE
Yay!
POLAND
I can finally do something about my 20% unemployment rate! Now that my citizens will have EU passports they will be able to go and earn Euros in other countries. My people will have jobs, and my fellow Europeans will have a source of labour to boost the rest of their… I mean, our economies!
EUROPE
Oh, yeah, about that coming-here-to-work thing… see, we’ve been discussing this, and we’ve decided we don’t really want you working in our countries.
POLAND
… You don’t?
EUROPE
No, not really. We figure you’re going to come in and steal our jobs, driving down wages and ruining our lives.
POLAND
We would never do that! Mainly we just want to come to your schools, work for a couple of years in your marketplaces and come home to turn our country into a valuable trading partner.
EUROPE
Also, you smell.
POLAND
What?
EUROPE
Yeah. You really stink. It’s from wallowing around in filth all day. We don’t want a bunch of smelly Poles stinking up our cities, so you might as well just stay on your turnip farms.
POLAND
But… if you don’t want us to be a part of your economy, why did you encourage us to join in the first place?
EUROPE
Because we are an idyllic society, open to newcomers and making the world a better place by example! Yay!
HOLLAND
I am Dutch. I embrace some social laws and mores that other nations find veird. But I am free to vacation in Austria vithout impediment because ve are all EU!
EUROPE
Yay!
POLAND
Wait, don’t change the subject!
SWEDEN
Look, hockey!
EUROPE
Yay!

Stupid friggin’ tax thing

I could have sworn that I just did this all last year. What more do they want from me?

I’m not, on the whole, an ignorant person. I like to keep myself informed on matters of international interest. I pick up new concepts easily, especially when there is math involved. I can reason circles around most people (not necessarily most people I know, but most people) and overall I am Not Dumb. However, as soon as someone starts explaining what sort of refunds and tax benefits I can expect I blank out.

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