Seriously. I deserve it. In fact, I’ll give a dollar to the first person to walk up to me, kick me in the balls and say “you deserved that, you stupid bastard.” No joke.
I’m not much of a dater. If memory serves, I’ve only dated three women in my life. And I didn’t have sex with any of them. Funny, that. None of the sex I have had was the result of dating. No, wait, there was this one, years ago. We went on one date and halfway through decided to cut straight to the sex. Then we didn’t date any more, and just fucked for three months. So I guess that one didn’t really count.
I know how this sounds: I’m just some guy who likes to fuck. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But no, that’s not the case. I just never got into the whole dating thing. The lovers (gotta find a better word) I’ve been closest to have all been friends first, and we’ve had friends in common. So we’ve hung out, done friendly things instead of… um… dinners and movies and… whatever else people do on dates.
See, I don’t even know what constitutes dating! I mean, I guess I was dating Petronia for about… six months? That was the only time I dated anyone more than a handful of times, I think. But that was always weird. I liked her a lot, but it always felt like we were still on our second date. I’ve got a list of causes in my paranoid head, but for the non-tinfoil-hatted out there let’s just say she liked me a lot less than I liked her.
So, um… in conclusion, dating sucks.
I know I shouldn’t get down about financial stuff. I shouldn’t. It’s all just stupid materialism, it really doesn’t matter if I can afford to get Stuff. I know this, and I preach this to others and to myself.