A Simple Guide to Car Nookie

One of the most popular non-bed locations for nookie is a car. Whether you’re fucking or just fucking around, car nookie has many advantages, but also a number of pitfalls that must be avoided to ensure the experience is a pleasant one.

Advantages to car nookie

  1. You’re getting some
  2. No need to waste time getting home before getting busy
  3. Don’t have to put up with roommates/parents/SO/whoever you live with
  4. Avoid any question of spending the night
  5. As the driver, no excuse necessary to kick out your tart afterward
  6. As the passenger, no excuse necessary to leave your tart afterward
  7. Thrill of public sex, minus the exposure to the elements

Precautionary steps (if you’re a prude)

  1. Try to park outside the city or, failing that, in the most secluded spot you can find. You certainly don’t want to be found by family, friends or authority.
  2. For added concealment and discreetosity, only try this at night (yeah, like you’re going to do naughty things during the day anyway)
  3. If you do park on the street, make sure you’re parked legally, so you don’t attract unwanted attention.
  4. Don’t park on a slope. That’s just begging for trouble.
  5. Above all, remember: enjoy yourself, but stay out of trouble and have respect for others. Don’t do anything that would anger anyone or cause them grief or embarrassment.

Precautionary steps (if you’re a thrillseeker/exhibitionist/adrenaline junkie)

  1. Park somewhere appropriate, like right in front of an elementary school, or in the mall food court.
  2. While car nookie among full daytime activity is likely to get you arrested (and is thus not recommended), experiment with mornings and evenings, as well as quiet times in the afternoon (when everyone is at work).
  3. Park in front of someone’s driveway, preferably blocking a car or two. This way, there’s a chance that the happy family will come out of their house on their way to a picnic in the park and Mommy and Daddy will not only have to explain why the car at the bottom of the driveway is all fogged up and rocking, but will have to either cancel Happy Fun Day or muster up the coursge to come over and say “could you please go and fuck elsewhere?”
  4. Increase the uncertainty of the whole affair by parking on a slope. You won’t be able to put on the handbrake (unless you want the handle to go up someone’s ass) so you leave it in gear and hope that neither of you knocks it into neutral.
  5. Above all, remember: do you best to spread malaise, but don’t get caught. Traumatizing others is fun, but unless you’re getting really dirty and kinky only the children are going to be truly disturbed.

3 thoughts on “A Simple Guide to Car Nookie”

  1. Is this original with you or did you steal it? If it’s original, what the hell possessed you to a) think of and b) blog about this? Funny regardless. I’ve never had nookie in a car. I do not like nookie in cramped quarters. I like to have plenty of room for nookie. But that’s just me.

  2. No, it’s original. What possessed me to think of this? Jesus Christ on a kebab skewer, Jake, you know me well enough to not bother asking that.

    – Random thought. Completely unrelated to reality in any way
    – I recently had some car nookie

    One of the two. You decide which is more likely.

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