First day of school

Before accusing me of anti-semitism, Amy, read what I actually wrote. I expressed no opinion concerning "money-grubbingness" or any other jewish stereotype. I am, however, disgusted by the way our family insists that, by virtue of being people of jewish descendance, we deserve to do well. The same "stick with your own" attitude is seen in many, if not all ethnicities, not just jewish people.

And I was told specifically: "If you're having any trouble, any difficulties, see him and he'll help." Told repeatedly and insistently, as if to hammer in the idea that I could get a leg-up. And yes, Sorit seems like a lovely person. I'm sure I would get along with her husband at least as well as with any other sufficiently geeky mathie. And I don't hold it against her for trying to show me, in her way, that she wanted to make me feel welcome in that branch of the family and in Toronto and whatever.

As for this: "you're relieved of your ability to be openly critical of the religion in the same way as you would be of any other." I am relieved of nothing. I am free to criticize judaism as much and as openly as I do any other religion. To be clear: they're all stupid, and anyone who lives their life religiously is either an idiot or purposefully deluding themselves. I am unashamed of my contempt for religion and religiousness, pleasant as religious people may be otherwise and as much as I may like them anyway.

One more thing: my grandparents did start from zero, but my father and sister certainly did not. They both were brought up not wanting for essentials, thanks to the hard work of their forebears. I'm not saying this to imply that you have been slacking off and riding Dad's coattails or whatever, only that you perhaps do not recognize the privilege you were born into. You and I were able to go to school largely because we had a support base that allowed us to do so, not only because of our own efforts. To claim that we got where we are alone is to head down the path of claiming that black people tend to be poor because they're lazy, like Dad does.

The "as a jew you deserve to be ahead" attitude is specifically a comment on my family. This is an attitude I have mostly seen in my father, but reflected here and there in other parts of the family. It may be that my father's blatant racism has tainted the way I see the rest of his family, and that I sometimes notice attitudes like that where they are not. But I do think they are present, your own interpretations of my motivations notwithstanding.

You posted something degrading and hurtful which is not only untrue, prejudiced and rife with personal resentment but also referred directly to myself and your entire family, on both sides.

What I posted was rife with resentment, true. I have been pressured incessantly pretty much my whole life by you and Dad to be something I am not. And this doesn't just refer to Judaism, either. What I wrote does refer to you directly, but not to both sides of the family: only my father's side has put that sort of pressure on me. Again, I am not referring to my family in general, nor to Jews in general. I am referring specifically to my father and his family.

Now, Sorit is pretty far removed from Dad, family-tree-wise. So while those in closer proximity to him (you or his brother, for example) share a larger number of his ideas and motivations, those further away, while they may appear to behave similarly in some ways, probably do so for rather different reasons. And so all I can say about Sorit's actions, well-intentioned as I was always sure they were, was that they rubbed me the wrong way. I don't think her reaction of "you're doing math? My husband teaches math. You should take his class!" was an offer to help me find the registrar's office.

You may want to inform yourself about my life before you make assumptions such as how I got to school

I know about as much about your life as you know about mine, Amy. I do know that it is you, not Dad, who is putting you through school, and the last thing I want to do is belittle the shitload of effort you put in. But I also have some concept of how much time and resources were poured into getting you to a point where you could even contemplate going to university.

My point is that it is basically impossible to start over from nothing, having had a reasonably comfortable childhood. You had the benefit of a childhood education to back you up. You had a safety net which, had you desperately needed it, would have supported you. There is almost no conceivable situation in which you would have starved to death -- in fact, the only thing you were missing in order to get where you are now was a whole shitload of effort. That's not starting from nothing.

So stop putting words in my mouth. I am criticizing my family's approach to and attitude toward judaism, not making a blanket statement about jewish people. I just made a couple of small edits in the text to make that clear (nothing omitted or changed, just a couple of phrases added). Also, I'm taking issue with your reference to "starting from nothing": either you don't recognize the lasting privilege of having a safety net and of beginning life in a family willing and able to keep you warm, fed and healthy, or else you have a very strange definition of "nothing."

Amy, you're still missing the point. Having a shitty life is not the same thing as starting from nothing. Attacking me based on whatever you think you know does not change that. And it does not change the fact that our father is a racist, or the fact of your own hypocrisy.

I know that you have been elevating our father in your mind to fuel the hatred you feel toward our mother. And maybe that involves ignoring some of his more distasteful qualities, just like you ignore her better qualities. But one of these days I hope you'll take a good look at Dad and the way he sees the world and the way he treats his position as a parent and decide whether you want to be a part of that.