Some strong opinions (part 5)

Yes, part five. Pay attention.

You know, I’m tired of being so political, so I’ll tone it down a little. And this is not because of all you fuckers emailing me links to the latest republican-sponsored hate site. It’s not because I’ve been shown that it’s okay for soldiers to torture prisoners because there’s a war going on. Nor is it…

Fuck! I’m getting political again… okay, read on for non-politics. I promise.

alcohol

Booze it up. What’s an extra few brain cells, right? Sure, alcohol and drugs kill brain cells. But everything kills brain cells. Living in a city as I do, breathing kills brain cells. And who cares if one of your livers rots away.

But really, I don’t mind that it’s socially acceptable for people to drink poison because it feels good in the short term. I do it myself, as often as I can, because it feels good in the short term. Sadly, it is not a terribly effective form of population control, because it is so rarely fatal. In fact, alcohol has been known to cause many births. Yes, it tends to impede them as well, but hey. On the up side, the stupider someone is to begin with the more likely they are to get drunk and die in a way that is not only beneficial to the gene pool but also makes for a good story.

marijuana

I have never heard of someone going all Reefer Madness because they smoked some pot. Get that out of your head right now. Yes, you.

That being said, I have all but stopped smoking. At some point I realized I no longer enjoyed it. But then, I was smoking city weed. GM weed. Engineered to contain a high concentration of Delta-nine tetrahydrofuckyouupquick (THC for short). That’s stupid. Wow, I can get high off just a couple of tokes! Cool! That way, I can get completely stoned in about ten minutes, leaving the rest of my evening free to… uh… stare at the wall?

Stupid. Much better to smoke mild pot. You get bags of it, roll nice big joints, pure, and gradually get high. That way your evening (or day, or week) is actually full of more than just slamming down a couple of hits from the lung, coughing your spleen out and lying drooling on the bed like an extra from a Cheech and Chong movie. But it’s hard to find mild pot here. Probably. I don’t give enough of a shit to look.

other drugs

Well, some are pretty scary. Their effectiveness in ridding the earth of people varies, though. Someone who’s really into Heroin isn’t necessarily going to be around for too very long, and they’re probably not going to be willing to take on a financial burden like a kid. So I guess they get removed from the gene pool fairly regularly. But something like Coke, maybe not so much. People maintain healthy blow habits for eons, and do quite well otherwise (that is to say, the habit itself is healthy, not the cokehead). It can even be an aphrodesiac, so we have gene-pool issues again.

The best part about hard drugs, though, is the fact that they’re largely outlawed. This drives the price up, and compels addicts to spend their money on drugs rather than formula or insulin. Plus, the acceptance of having done (or at least condoned) one criminal act means an addict is more likely to be accepting of more of them. This increases the chance that the addict will get in trouble with harder criminals, and subsequently be removed from the gene pool. In extreme cases the addict’s spawn will also be removed from the gene pool, as well as whatever moron consented to be the other parent.